I’ve been away. Not just away frolicking in Prague, but away from this space. I’ve actually been away from it getting on for four months and, having carved out this safe space that I loved confiding in… Well, being away from it has been daunting. More so, it’s daunting to return back, tail metaphorically between my legs, not knowing where to start or how. So I’m not doing that yet, partly because I don’t entirely know what changed. I felt distant from it all, and since then I’ve maybe started falling. Falling in a lot of respects. Falling in like, falling out of habits. Sometimes falling apart. I’ve been distracted. That’s probably the best way to put it with a neat little bow. But I want to slowly get back to this thing, whatever it is that I do here. So I wanted to talk about my time in Prague. Though as always it’ll likely be a mess of words in my head than anything informative or noteworthy. I’m not trying to be a travel writer here, so… maybe by all means stick around to hear me reflecting, but I won’t be offended if you look for tips elsewhere.
Another month has passed and I’m still feeling a little uninspired? I’ve even been sort of absent on my socials, which is… odd for me. I scroll and I scroll everyday and I’m just so bored of it all. Does anyone else get like that? In a matter of no time, I’m almost certain I’ll be back on my game and feeling involved again, but right now I feel a little floaty to say the least. Maybe there needs to be some change around here? I just don’t know. Anyway. April. April was fun. And here’s some of that.
Here’s a revolutionary statement: Why can’t we put two fingers in the air and just say ‘Guess what? I love myself! I’m a bombass human. I look great. And beyond all this wobbly, stretchy skin stuff, I’m also pretty darn good on the inside, too’? Yes, I may have listened to ‘The Greatest Showman’ soundtrack one too many times (as if that’s a thing you can overdo), but I’ve been thinking and feeling a whole lot of this for a while. Excuse my French, but seriously. Fuck. This. How dare we build up and validate a society and a narrative that tells us we shouldn’t like ourselves, that we should constantly be trying to make unrealistic changes that aren’t obtainable or do-able or, you know, fair? Honestly, get out. And jolly well close the door behind you.
Ever since I started working full time 10 months ago, my weekends and evenings have become sacred. Whilst I spend every other evening (or two at the moment, because I’m trying but probably not enough) at the gym on weekdays, my weekends have become all about filling the time with all the things I want and need to do. At the same time I want to be able to relax and savour my freedom and just make my little heart happy. But, weirdly, it’s not always easy to do the things you want to do? You guilt trip yourself into thinking you’re being lazy, or waste time doing a lot of nothing — which is good self care when you really need it, but not when you’re just feeling uninspired and…lazy…?
I’m losing you, I can see that. But hold up just a second, because I think my self care practices are pretty good. And this is likely the first of many, so keep a watch out.