I’ve been pretty bad at blogging this month and I think maybe that has to do with the fact I let go of this huge weight of pent up feelings and everything in me was saying to run for the hills and hide away. I burned myself out with those words. Just for a little bit. And although I think the path will continue to be a long one, there may be a small part of me that is finally properly healing. So August has been about that in part, and in looking after and doing the most for me, myself and I. I would urge any of you reading this to do the same. We deserve it.
Is it bad that with July drawing to a close, I’m becoming more and more aware of just how close autumn is and, wait for it, Christmas. Okay, okay, I won’t be that person, but I am stupidly excited about the leaves changing and reaching for scarves and knitted jumpers. I love layering up and wearing cosy clothes. As happy as the sunlight makes me, as much as I love, love, love those scents of freshly mown grass and hot tarmac that’s been beaten down on all day long, crisp mornings and frosted edges are more my thing. I am a winter baby after all. I’m more comfortable in the cooler months, partly because wearing anything remotely exposing is a tad difficult with my body image issues, but just… Orange and yellow leaves, pumpkin picking, candles and fairylights and holding a hot chocolate takeaway cup in your hands, letting the heat bleed into your palms. It’s all good stuff and I am about it. Obviously July didn’t bring any of that (I am the Queen of tangents), but I guess whilst we’re talking about July moods… my autumn af-ness is shining through.
As we talked about at the end of April, my blogging habits have slipped a touch. I had become pretty consistent with it, but the good old phrase of ‘shit happens’ kind of, well, happened and I didn’t feel much like writing on here across April, straight on into May, either. And then June was a complete blur and I was actually — surprise surprise — quite busy. So, hello. It’s me. I’m back. I’m here. I’m going to pull my socks up and bring you up to speed, and summarise some book stuff for both May and June, too, because why the hell not?
Yep, I’m still here. You probably didn’t notice that I broke my long stretch of consistently blogging at least once a week. Well, the events of April, or more specifically one event in April, made my ability to focus on anything but said event and the fallout pretty non-existent. You know it’s bad when I of all people struggle to turn one page, read one word in a day, a week. It’s been grim and, I imagine, will continue to be just that for the foreseeable. I am lucky in that it didn’t happen to me. However, it did happen to someone I love and I’ve learned that, in some ways, that’s almost harder. So forgive me for my absence and that this month I won’t be doing my usual summary of positive moments. It kind of seems like a bit of a kick in the teeth right now, you know? What I will say, aside from my usual bookish stuff, is that reading ‘The Hate U Give’ by Angie Thomas managed to preoccupy me, which was no easy feat when literally nothing could stop me from racking my brains and reminding myself this was real, it had happened. I’m happy this important, brave book was able to be there if and when I could squeeze in a couple pages and that that meant I could really, truly savour it. I’m sure a review for it will be up shortly, but in the meantime, here’s the month of April in books…