A letter

Here, in the past, we are on the cusp of stepping into 2015 and the new year isn’t yet easy to roll off the tongue, but I’m sure where you are you’ve got it down. I’d like to talk about a few things you were struggling with back at the end of 2014, and what I hope you’ve overcome in the three hundred and sixty-five days that separate us.

Back here in 2014, you’re a newly turned twenty year old struggling to focus on the positives. Sometimes you allow yourself to get really down, and beat yourself up over things that are out of your hands now. But you’re also getting better at a lot of things, like accepting you for who you are and starting to see that the person you’ve become over the years is a good one and that there’s never going to be anyone quite like you. I hope you’re holding onto that, maybe evening embracing it, because everyone is  different, and therefore everyone has a place in this hulking great world. I’m sure you agree that we all need to learn to love ourselves a bit more, especially when everything else is working against us to knock our self esteem. Someone needs to look out for number one and maybe we only have ourselves to do that right now. But hey, maybe you don’t. Maybe you’ve found someone else to reassure you too. In which case, halle-bloody-lujah! Still, it’s important that you’re your own cheerleader in life first and foremost.

If you haven’t found Mr. Right yet, that’s okay. I know it sucks a lot, especially when you’re surrounded by happy couples, old and new. But you’ll find someone someday, and the timing will work for you this time and you’ll be in a better position mentally. I know it’s so, so hard sometimes and you might start to doubt that that day will ever come around, but it has to. You’re the kind of person who has too much love inside of her that you need to share. Someone will gravitate towards that. And, if you are lucky enough to end 2015 with someone else’s hand in yours, then you’re probably cringing pretty hard at past you right now. (I’m kind of cringing at current me right now. God, I’m a sentimental idiot.)

In regards to people in general (not just Mr. Right types), I hope you’ve also grown a thicker skin because this year you’ve probably spent more time caring about the people that don’t deserve it than the people who do. People come and go, unfortunately, and it’s heartbreaking especially when you were so invested in that bond you had with that person. Sometimes people seem all rosy, but when push comes to shove they’re a bit of a let down. Sometimes there’s only so much you can do before you have to just let go. And that hurts a lot, but look to who was there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on. Those are the people you need to be placing all your time into. I hope you still have those strong, lovely people by your side now because they’ve been doing a spectacular job at being the kinds of friends you need.

All that serious, soppy stuff aside… Hey 2015 Alice, how’re you doing? You’re twenty-one now. I bet that feels a little better than twenty. It sounds better for some reason, anyway. And wow, you’re in your third year of university. At least I think you are. I haven’t lost faith in you getting through second year, even though it has been kind of overwhelming thus far. To the point where you’ve/I’ve been neglecting this blog, actually. I hope 2015 is filled with a lot more blog posts, and I hope you’ve somehow become more organised and are all set to write a dissertation, because dude when you’re reading this in a years time that’s what’s coming your way. What’s the bet you’re reading this and rolling your eyes, thinking ‘Thanks, past Alice. It’s not like I’ve had people drumming this into my ears for the past three months’? Sorry. Just think about the graduation gown and cap — I’m kind of excited about that.

I think that’s all I really have to say to you for now, future Alice. I hope you’re doing good, and if not then don’t worry — you’re twenty-one and remember that in your 20th birthday card your eldest sister promised you your twenties are the best years of your life (What does she know? She wasted them on boring things like getting married at twenty-two/three and having a baby. Kidding. God, I hope you’re not pregnant).

Goodbye for now. And hey! Maybe do another one of these just before 2016, that’d be cool.

A review of sorts: Light Up the Dark by Gabrielle Aplin

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